I started this blog when I was 14.
Since then, I've been writing petty things a lot. Back in the day, I had no intention to inspire people through my posts. I only wanted to write down all my thoughts and feelings as a pre-teen. Nothing less, nothing more.
As I went through puberty and shits, I began to think about my purpose of having this blog. Am I going to continue writing garbage? Or should I write something that will be more insightful to my reader?
I took "yes, I should" as an answer. So there I did. I wrote a bunch of relatively insightful posts. I reviewed books that I've read, I talked about failure, I talked about being mindful, I shared my experience of going through my depressive episode, I shared my take on life and death, et cetera.
As much as I enjoyed writing, I became more and more self-conscious about it. I've come to the realization that I'm not a good mind-verbalizer. I still need to learn all the basics of writing from literal scratch. I'm afraid of the possibility of giving misleading information, or of putting out sentences that lead to multiple interpretation. I know for sure that I've made a lot of mistakes in writing, and I will still make some mistakes along the progress of improving my writing skills.
I'm gonna turn 22 in a month.
If you ask me, "how's your blogging journey so far?" I'll say "Well, yeah it's amazing."
That word amazing needs an elaboration.
It's amazing to be able to turn thoughts into spoken words. It's amazing to have them published online. Unlike writing on a paper, online writing is well preserved (as long as it's still accessible and not permanently deleted, of course). It can't be crumpled, burned, or dumped into the trash can just like papers.
It's amazing to re-read my old posts from years ago and reflect on them. It reminds me how much I've grown as a person. I experienced a lot of cognitive dissonance and paradigm shifting. It also makes me aware of this one important point of living: I'm still growing.
I won't say nor assume that I can thrive limitless. I'm still struggling to track and mark my life trajectory. I'm still sorting out my goals. I am unfinished. One thing I know for sure is I might not be able to accomplish everything that I wish I do.
To thrive with limit is to be aware of my own shortcomings, although it doesn't necessarily mean that I cannot conquer them one day. To thrive with limit means to accept the fact that achieving the life I desire is not entirely within my control. It's swallowing the pill of knowing that there are factors we can't control, that will also affect me in their own ways.
To thrive with limit is to cut myself some slack. It is to allow myself to take a break when it's needed.
After all, life is a series of making mistakes, self-sabotaging, addressing problems and traumas, falling in love, having breakdowns, trying to do better, hitting rock bottom, trying to do better again next time, learning something new, and then we'll eventually die.
Will I stop writing?
No, obviously. I'm gonna keep writing, but no longer in this blog. There will be no updates of my writing in this blog anymore. It's hard for me to actually leave things I grew up with, but it's about time to say good bye.
This blog will still be accessible to everyone. You can meet my younger self here. She's still alive. If you leave comments on my posts, she'll read it and might give an answer.
I will still access this blog once in a while for the sake of self-reflection or because I miss the expired version of me.
I'm going to continue writing on Medium app. You can find me by hitting this link below:
https://medium.com/@kesarindira
See you there.
With love,
Indi
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